Losing it

I was standing right in the middle of the room staring blankly in the general direction of the bookshelf. I don't know for how long I was standing there, trying hard to recollect why I was looking at it in the first place, until a voice from behind (not an apparition, just a regular human) thundered, how long I was planning on spinning the windmills of lost thought. There was no denying that I simply forgot why I walked into the room, leave alone, remembering what I planned to do with the bookshelf. Ah, that old mate, memory, one that had been steadfastly loyal through the majority of my productive life, has called in with a demand for casual leave which it planned to use during for the rest of my life at intermittent intervals. Its argument - the vacation was long overdue (and thoroughly deserved, I might add). Memory was the last link that tied my redolent past to my routine present, and that was precisely the reason why I didn't want to let it go, for, I wanted to remember how I felt about the same things, through the different (st)ages of my life. Over the past few decades, I knew I abused my memory like a red-headed step-child, making it remember everything from the most extra-ordinary down to outright obscure and unnecessary. What kind of acid in a car battery? Who holds the world record in men's Pole Vault jumping? Who tossed the first stone into the sea to build the "Rama Setu" in Ramayana (and its corollary, and why?)? What is the architecture of Chip 8255? Thanks to my down and (almost) out memory, I reshuffled the little cranial space constantly, over all these years, to accommodate all sorts of crap. No wonder, the gray cells have regrouped and declared mutiny. (In case you are wondering the answers to the above, 1. diluted sulfuric acid 2. Sergei Bubka (Russia) 3. Neela (he had a curse like boon from his mother during his childhood, that anything he threw in water floated and never sunk, fed up with his childhood monkey pranks of throwing all his household items into water). And as far as the last one is concerned, send me a personal email, and I'll be glad to show off). Had my memory been a human being, who took all this abuse over all this time, either of the things would had certainly happened - either it would had shot itself down, or it would had turn the barrerls against me. Talk about a disgruntled worker.

Though I understood and patiently heard all my memory's grievances, I was in no mood to let go of my best worker. After all, its existence depended on my welfare, and my welfare, in turn, depended on its ability to summon facts and artifacts, at speed unimaginable. If I lent it a sympathetic ear and a crying shoulder and allowed it take off at regular intervals, I cannot even begin to think of the ramifications of missing dates like female form's birthdays, the boss' anniversary, and list of my debtors and creditors, and other trivia and minutiae, that I had been carefully/carelessly using to desperately stand out in a group. Well, sorry to say Mr. Memory, the one upstairs had signed a bond of indentured labor, when handing you over to my constitutional custody, and however much I empathize with your hiring and working conditions, all that I can say is, I don't make the rules, I only play by them. And that was the time, the battle lines were drawn in the sand between the revolting memory and my oppressive mind. Sometimes, I won, and some other times, my opponent. And that moment, at the beginning of this piece, was one such. Memory - 1, Me - 0. I can say with some sort of certainty (hey, I already told you, the CPU may still be on my side, but both the hard disk and the RAM have declared a lockout. So, though the narrator's intentions are noble, the details may be little tainted), that the battle was not completely one-sided. I was doing all that I could, to counter the memory's guerrilla warfare, and part of those efforts included, and please note this irony, working it even more. You heard it right, whoever said an eye for eye, wasn't braying for blood. In fact, the only way to counter the non-cooperative tactics of the memory was to put it to work round the clock and ensure that it gets no rest whatsoever. I have had my share of strange things in nature (parents succumbing to diminutive kid's atrocious whims/wishes/behaviors, the functioning of the administrative machinery in a quasi-democratic state like India, the reason for Indian cricket team's average performances, boasting of world-record holders from top to bottom, and many such), but this one topped it all - to prevent the failure of a functioning unit, work it even more.

I was subjecting my memory to a third degree treatment (like, memorizing verses from age old texts), waterboarding techniques (memorizing raw texts from dry paragraphs of daily newspapers), and other such intrusive, interrogative procedures, commonly employed in Nazi labor camps, Russians Gulags, or even the more recent, Guantanamo Bay detention centers. Every waking moment was spent recollecting, remembering, reminiscing and ruminating, and the other times...well, incessant uninterrupted feeding. Extreme behaviors breed extreme (and sometimes, even unexpected) results. No matter what they say about the seemingly infinite storage capacity of the human mind, they failed to mention anything about the impact on the retrieval mechanisms. The mind might be willing, but the flesh became weak. The sprints and the dashes that the retrieval mechanisms ran every micro and nano second, from the storage side of the mind, to the side that had to arrange the jumble/puzzle and make sense of it, became ragged and harangued. It became amply clear that I could not continue waging a war against my own faculties, and that was when, an implicit truce was declared, and a bi-lateral agreement was reached. The terms made it clear, that I was not to subject the memory to crimes against nature, and allow it to take leave of absence, once in a little while, while the memory would keep its end of the bargain, by trying all it can, when and while on duty. It comes and goes, and when it goes, I reason that, may be, it was out on a social call, and when it comes back, I act that I was more than glad to have its company. It even gave me a pretext, an entity with seemingly no voice of its own to blame it all on - age. As age was already taking the blame for my lethargy, perpetual sleepiness, and inability to concentrate, it might as well take the blame for memory too. I was fine with the judgment. After all, when titans collide, the little guys always get trounced. My memory and I were back on talking terms again. All that I had to do.....all that I had to......hmmmm......all that I had to.......looks like I lost my train of thought. What was I trying to say again? Please hang on for a second or two... my memory would return momentarily. I might be on a little coffee break. I apologize for the inconvenience and promise to return promptly as and when, the train is back on its tracks.


Anonymous said...

I always admired your posts on idlebrain. u r the only reason i open that site. My only complaint is that ur paragraphs are lengthy. I hope u would seperate the paragraphs into shorter ones.

Beta Search said...


I have read your ramblings on Magadheera and I should say, you make the visitor not only interested but also think about the matter seriously. And the examples are very informative. With the present lifestyle, we get so busy in different things and movies(irrespective of whether it is copied or not) are one of the major sources of entertainment and even give some knowledge on how to go about living your life. Thats my take.

Another point I would like to suggest is putting up pictures as well with your long posts will surely interest more people.

I also would like you to have a seperate domain on your name or on your thoughts so some people might not use it for their benefits.
Even if you are working for idlebrain, having a sister site on your name would not at all be a problem and you could always give a link back to idlebrain.com or your favorite articles of the site.

Keep up the good work.



Vasu said...

Mr Kanchibhotla,
I have always read your posts on Idlebrain.com for the past few years, albeit never able to complete atleast one of them. I always open the article hoping that you would drive your point in first couple of paragraphs but as a matter of fact I think you drag things to an extent of insanity. There are numerous ways of expressing yourself in cyberworld. You should take a cue from blogs like greatbong.net to understand the art of writing blogs.

Read your ramblings about Arundhati and Magadheera on ib. Not sure what's your problem. Get a life dude and chill out.

Ramesh said...

Hi Kanchibhotla

Be explicit and be clear in your blogs. Writing lengthy blogs and dragging things to a point where people loose interest or forget what they read so far, is not a fair thing.

Especially your post in IDLEBRAIN about magadheera doesnt make any sense. Dude its telugu cinema. Please expect some insane thing in the movie which keeps them excited. Please stop comparing our telugu movies with Hollywood movies. Our patronage is different and our standards are different and politics....so many.....
Please do keep onething in mind if you are ready to invest 100 crores on a telugu movie then I bet there are so many talented folks who are hanging out there in Filmnagar who wants to give a try or confident they can come up with a very creative idea.
Hope you got my point.At the end of the audience care only about entertainment and not logic. Yes they do care about logic but not everytime or as long as the movie is entertaining.

I would ask you write a post about recent blockbuster " Mental Krishna". Try to think about it.

Anonymous said...

I think both Mr Vasu and Mr Ramesh missed his point about Magadheera. I think his angst(surely mine) is not about the budget or special effects of a telugu movie. Where is the ORIGINALITY is the question you need to ask?

If you are happy with just nice presentation and hardcore masala (inspired or not, copied or not),good for you.simply stating that "your review sucks" surely does not change anyone's opinion. let me know why you like the movie and i'll read your review too.

@ Mr Ramesh:
"Please stop comparing our telugu movies with Hollywood movies"
Is is justified in this case because they blatantly copied the action sequences from hollywood movies.in fact i might have liked the movie if they put in some original effort for the action sequences.

"if you are ready to invest 100 crore ... creative idea"
You don't need 100 crores for a creative film. city of god was made with 22 crores.
or our very own anukokunda oka roju(not comparing it for graphics or anything but to emphasize that creativity doesn't come at a 100 crore premium)

he gave his opinion about why he hates the movie. do you have counter arguments to his opinion , if yes then write about it(so that he at least knows what and how to respond), if not respect his reasons to not like the movie. just agreeing with him or not is an inconsequential issue. and if you want a review of popular opinion and commercial viability you might just read jeevi's review. obviously his target audience is different.

oh my god that was a looooooong comment:)

Anonymous said...

I liked your comments about Magadheera...in fact, yours is the only blog I read with interest on IdleBrain.

Unfortunately, people equate good technical effects and glitz to good movies. Script is completely left in dust. For everyone that says 'Stop comparing Bollywood/Tollywood/Kollywood movies to Hollywood movied' my question to them is 'Why the hell not???'

We may be catering to different audience here - but just because the mass likes it...does it make a GOOD movie????

Venkat Raman - The One and Only said...

I don't even know why I decided to waste a few minutes of my precious time on a stupid like you..
While I found nothing new in the movie, other than the people, I took a pleasure and enjoyed the movie, for it is a movie of my language.
In case, you don't yet know, the term "Hollywood Standards" is often used ONLY as a synonym in Indian Cinema to laud the efforts and techniques used in our cinema. The context may be wrong but the sense is still right, only if you can perceive it...
Secondly, while 8 Crores and more (Telugus and other wise) could enjoy the visual treats of a Telugu movie, I can't understand why a few mindless people can only see the wrong sides and not even one positive.
Criticism needs to be positive mate.. a one that would help in the learning curve... All through the article that you penned down, I could understand one thing..
U are unfit to pass a judgment, for u are an Imbecile who doesn't have a rationale thought process or might be you are an ardent follower of "Nandamuri" clan, who can do nothing but crying foul for the success of the extravaganza.
Bottom Line: Get a Life and DO SOMETHING USEFUL DUDE!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

MAGADHEERA nee tokkalo ramblingss--------

Intha ghoranga oka movie ni criticize chesi oka website lo petteste hero vi aypotav and janalu nuu raasinavanni chadivi cinema chustam manestaru anukomaka.

Idi mana indian cinema lo chala kalam nundi chustunee unnamu
1)basha (which is inspired from amitab's HUM) theme lo oka 20-30 telugu cinemalu vachayi
2)DDLJ theame to oka 10 vachi untayi
3)English cinemalni copy chestu month ki oka bollywood cinema release avtundi, daanilo chala hits kuda unnai

India lo janamki entertainment mukyam, deeninundi copy chesina anavasaram, all they are bothered is if they are rightly entertained or not, nachite hit chestaru nachakpote phat chestaru.

India lo unde vallaki miachel bay of narration, James Cameron way of movie making ivanni avasarama?

oka 15 dollar petti ticket koni oka 40 crore tho teesina cinemagurinchi notiki vachinattu vaagadam kaadu, dammu unte nee sekhar kammula laga cinema teesi matadu. I know you have all the right to speak(democracy to critize any movie), but ila websites lo istam vachinattu raste evaru urukoru.

right to speach undi kada ani rodekki istam vachinattu matadite cheste janalu tantaru jagartha.

anyways, sorry for my language man. The way u wrote abt the movie is really disturbing to many people who really enjoyed the movie.

Hope you will find a real and better job to do in the future.

jai hindh...

Anonymous said...

neeku blog lu rayadam avasaram enti ra? nuvvu raase sodi antha chadavataniki janaalu vp laaga kanipistunnara. Adangi vadi laga intlo kurchoni paniki malini sodi raastunnavu neeku Maghadeera movie gurinchi comment chese arhate ledu. Kanuka extralu cheyaka musukoni kurcho

Anonymous said...

wow, how much of hatred people can spew because the author disagreed with their opinion. What a level of intolerance?

First of, I liked Magadheera too. But, can't Srinivas Garu have his own opinion about it, and when he does can't he express that? You can choose to ignore his opinion, or debate respectfully, why show much of hatred.

This reminds one of my favorite stanzas from Sirivennela garu "mOsAm rOsham dwEsham nI makili madiki bhAshyam"

For all the people, taking some time of your life to advise Srinivas garu to get a life, please understand what that means yourself first.

Anonymous said...

"Kanchib's Korner" ... wish you could keep it 'Corner'. Rest is nonsense. trust you revel at reading your own posts. What an amount of crap you download on to the net ... phew!!!

Anonymous said...

You need to get your brain checked out, some wires are crossed and/or shorted in some places. You think in one language, and write in another language. Your English is poor. your brain pumps out somewhat random words and phrases that you probably read in books and newspapers. I doubt if you undersatnd the meaning of your own posts. Every sentence is a repackaging of sentences from Hollywood movie reviews.

You are lame and lack common sense. You probably think very highly of yourself. I am sorry to say this, but quit writing the crap, man!!!

The only reason I opened your ramblings a second time is to leave this note for you.

Anonymous said...

Please increase the font size or use another font. It is difficult to read and I am a big fan of your writing and I enjoy the ramblings on idelbrain site. Keep doing it .